His Mercies Are New Every Morning...

While driving my sweet boys to school the other morning, I could barely see what was in front of me.  The absolutely breathtaking sun...with all it's glory...was so bright.  As I was stopped at the light, I sneaked a quick picture of my view of the sunrise.....and all that came to mind was "His mercies are new every morning"..... And, praise Jesus, I believe that is true.

Grace.  And a lot of it....is what I need.  Daily.

I'm far from perfect.  I often think of areas I need to improve on.  How I could spend more time with God... reading and praying.  Doing more...Serving more. How I shouldn't have made this decision or that.  Guilt, shame and unworthiness cloud my vision.

But, God is good.....He is gracious.....He loves us unconditionally and He forgives us completely.

Whoever reads this, please know God is LOVE.  God sees the deep down dirty in us all...yet loves us deeper than anyone else ever could.  God gave His ONLY son to die for our sins, so that no matter the sin, we could be forgiven.  We are covered by his grace.

Just because you may have a "past"....just because you may have given up.... gone astray, made mistakes (let's face it, who hasn't?).... It's not too late.  Don't allow guilt or shame to hold you back....  and keep you buried....  As long as you are alive and breathing....it's NEVER too late to turn to God.  Don't allow yourself to believe you are too far for God to use you....for God to carry out His plans for your life..... God is BIGGER and BETTER than any past failure or mistake we have ever made.  God sees far beyond anything we've ever done....because He holds the plans to our futures. He is all knowing.

God called countless people in the Bible to do great and mighty works regardless of their weaknesses, failures and pasts....  In Genesis, we see how closely Abraham walked with God....yet he tried to carry out God's promise in his own strength....by sleeping with another woman.   Abraham (Abram-Genesis 16) made mistakes.....yet  God USED Abraham in a mighty way.  God kept His promise to Abraham....GOD IS GOOD.

David..... A man after God's heart...made mistakes---even deadly ones. (2 Samuel 11....)

Saul....A man who persecuted the church......God TRANSFORMED HIM ...God USED him (Acts 9: 1-19).

GOD IS GOOD. 

If you're questioning whether you are worthy of His love and forgiveness ....rest assured, that's what God longs for.... He created you....and He longs for your love!

It's not too late to reach for Him....and to be ALL that HE has created you to be......

YOU ARE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY....
YOU ARE WORTHY....

 "...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our LORD." Romans 8:37

Shoe Shopping.....

It's been a while. A long while.  And a lot has happened.

Needless to say, my focus on health... and on myself... has been long lost and pushed to the side. 

This....happens....a lot.  As a wife and a mom.... we tend to put those around us first. Also, with the ups and downs of life.... there are times where what we put in our mouths just doesn't seem to matter at that moment.  But those moments add up...and eventually lead to the exact place I'm at right now.  

And in that place, I find myself... once again asking:

 "Where in the world do I start?" 
 "What in the world should I do?"
 "How in the world am I going to do it?"
(and, last but not least)
 "How did I let myself get back to this place?"  ***SEE ABOVE*** Because, deep down I know the answer to this one.

It's a never ending cycle for me.  I get fed up, decide on a plan, stick to the plan long enough to see results and then I feel happy. Then I STOP.  And find myself right back at the beginning.  Second cycle begins.

What I'd like to do is find something that works for me, helps me feel my best, helps me see results..... something I can stick to on a daily basis.  Not just for days, weeks or months at a time.

I've back tracked a bit. And I've tried EVERYTHING you can imagine over the years... from OTC/prescribed diet pills (so unhealthy AKA terrible decision).... to Adkins....Weightwatchers to South Beach....Eat to Live to FORKS OVER KNIVES.  I've read several books.... many blogs....and I have great friends who have tried one thing or another and seen amazing results. But as of now, I am searching for what is right for me.  

I tend to waver..... so unsteady.  I hear about one and feel encouraged.  Then I hear about another and decide that one sounds better.  I'm not ready to commit, because I'm still uncertain of what to commit to.  So, I'm going to continue looking into a few things and then make a decision.   I'm not perfect, (DUH), so will I make the right decision??  Though I hope that's the case, I just don't know.  I suppose it's like looking for that specific shoe to match that one outfit.... the right fit, the right price, the comfort level...all these things to take into consideration...  When I shop for shoes, I rarely walk out with the first pair I tried on..... I will take this day by day.... (shoe by shoe)... So for now this is "to be continued."  

Until that decision is made, my goal is to take it one meal at a time.... one day at a time.....one healthy decision at a time.  Focus on healthy choices....and adjust back to limiting myself just a bit.  If I jump in head first and it's not something I'm ready to commit to, I know I will end up doing well for a few days and then hating myself when I fail or quit. I need a lifestyle change, not a diet.  

This is the ONE THING I know for sure.


I need a safe place to write, take notes, get feedback, share and receive tips.... Maybe this will be a great place to start.  I know it's easier when you have support and encouragement from all sides.......... I also know several of you have some amazing tips and recipes.... I don't think it all matters that we commit to the same plan and walk the exact same path.  What matters, in my opinion, is that we help each achieve success and offer support when we can.....when others need it most.  It's definitely helpful to know you aren't alone on this journey where you are seeking your best, most healthy and happy self.  We all share the same goal. Why not help each other on the way?

God Confidence

I'm not perfect.  Not even close.  Those who know me also know my struggles and weaknesses....my "quirks"...  I know that I could come up with a list of to-do's or personal changes that I would like to make...  but I made a decision a while back to transform my way of thinking.  I could only do that with God's help...and He has truly helped me. 

Years ago I would think to myself, "I wish I were more confident in myself."  Situations would take place...people would say things, do things, or NOT do things.... it would make me feel inadequate, small, less than, unimportant, even dumb.... There were times where I felt broken, my heart felt torn, I felt deep hurt...betrayed.  I would wish, during those times, that I was more confident in who I was.....That I could just find the strength to move on....get over it. 

Then it hit me!

MYSELF.   I had been "wishing" for the wrong thing.  

I don't need to strive to seek confidence within myself and who I am....but rather seek HIM....and seek HIS confidence.  So, I started praying for God-confidence over self confidence....and it truly made the biggest difference in my life. 

I made that one minor change in my personal prayer life, and so many things started happening.  I slowly started healing.  I started focusing more on what God says...what the Word says.  My priorities started shifting little by little.  And from then on....other things followed.  I know I'm not the only woman who would like to lose weight or be "toned".... be a certain size.  But, what came along with this change of thinking was learning to LOVE myself for who God made me....and for who God is molding me to be.  SURE! I am making healthy changes in my life to try to accomplish health goals, but it's no longer what defines me.  I am so thankful that God has touched my life...and my mind.  

I try to stop negative thoughts before they happen.  Whether about myself, or about someone else...when a thought begins to surface, I simply tell it...NO.  I have noticed that simple plan of action helps.  I've realized that I'm not as critical of myself or others.  And if someone around me says something critical...I've noticed my strength to not join in has grown.  Again...SO THANKFUL.  

I still have a ways to go, but I don't want to lose sight of how far I've come...what I have accomplished with God's help.  I want to continue prioritizing...  asking the Lord what things should come first on my list.  What things are okay to move around, or even take off of my list entirely.  I look forward to learning more about the Lord....and about myself.  

It's Been A While....

But I'm back. 

Years ago I would spend hours journaling...or, when I was 12, "writing in my diary."  Oh the things I wrote down..... Part of me wishes I could go back in time...NOT BURN THEM....just so I could have a big laugh.  

Currently, I'm sitting in my office staring at blinds I need to hang.  We've been in our new home since September 30, 2013....and I am still adding special touches, making subtle changes, and continuously walking through my home thankful for God's many blessings.  It may not be "finished"...but it sure is cozy.  And....I LOVE MY KITCHEN.  More on that later.

I mentioned writing...journaling...came so natural when I was younger.  I tried to sit down a few weeks ago to jot down some of my thoughts and I no longer have the stamina.  My wrist was tired after one page.  In the past, I could knock out 7 or 8 pages with such ease.  I've yet to switch over to electronic reading...I'll take an old fashion book over a nook any day.  However, I decided if I feel the need to write, blogging is my best option.  

 So, in the time I haven't been "blogging"....we've placed our house on the market, had it sell within 24 hours, packed, moved into a garage apartment for one month, packed again, and moved into the home we started building in early 2013.  What a journey, but it was an AMAZING ONE.  We are here, surrounded by daily reminders of how blessed we are.  I love my home.  More than anything, I love the freedom I feel here.  I struggle with change, but this one was welcomed.  

Sitting in my office, at my little wooden desk.  Listening to my sweet, yet rowdy little boys upstairs playing together. Staring at blinds that I am getting ready to hang.

                                                         Summer Blessings

Summer has arrived.

 DAY 1 of being HOME FOR THE SUMMER with my incredibly social 5-year-old and my sweet, yet continuously on-the-go 2-year-old!

First thought that came to mind was, "What in the world am I going to do to keep us all from going insane?"  We have been accustomed to busy schedules since this past Fall...school...waking up at a certain time and scrummaging to get out of the door.  Packing lunches, interrupted naps, playgrounds full of kids, paints and dancing....... While the kids were in school enjoying their social interactions, I'd grocery shop and tackle those hard-to-do errands...

It's funny how things change so quickly.  Hollister has only been going to Kindergarten for a little over 8 months.  I've been so adjusted to school being a part of our days, that I feel like we are going back in time.  

Just two days ago our family disconnected cable. HUGE CHANGE FOR ME.  That was something we've wanted to do for a long time now.  I finally DID IT.... I have to say I believe it was perfect timing.  When the kids start complaining about being bored....the easiest thing to do would be to turn on NICK JR.  They would get sucked in SO QUICKLY that I could get away with pretty much anything and they not notice.  This is NOW not an option.  

The morning started off with a nice 8 AM breakfast around the table.  Unlike school am breakfasts, this one was a bit more thought out and a whole lot less disorganized.  Play time followed.  The boys seemed to play fairly well together.  Hollister would ask to play Wii and Gideon would plead for me to turn on "Melmo"..... but I'd gently remind them that "we aren't watching TV right now." They would give me a little look and then run off embarking on some other adventure within our walls.  

They spent most of the morning playing while I tackled a few things around the house... However, around 11 I decided to give them a little project.  I took out some ziti noodles and a box of markers. What better to do with noodles than color them bright colors?  The boys sat at the kitchen table for a good 45 minutes really enjoying the fact that they had mad noodle decorating skills.  I sat beside them and worked on my own little craft project.  It was nice!  Just sitting a the table, working side by side with my little ones.  They would get really excited and show me a new color or design.  I realized how precious and special these times are.....how amazing they can be (both those times and my kiddos).  During the school year we had very little time to spend doing home projects.  Everything was very fast paced.  But, today, we were sitting, talking, coloring and laughing..... I felt so happy....as did they. After the noodles dried, we strung them with yarn and made necklaces.... Hollister seemed most proud of his.  


The rest of the day was fairly laid back.... Lunch around noon.  Quiet time followed shortly after.  I took that opportunity to do some cleaning and reading.  And, let's not forget the two most important things I do after putting the kids in quiet time: 1) Fix a cup of coffee...and 2) Light a candle!  I  usually feel worn out at this point in the day.  Today, I was feeling pretty good.  Possibly from not having to run from place to place.  


Later in the afternoon we had story time.  The boys crawled up on the couch beside me.  Such a sweet time.  I realized how much I enjoy spending time with them....reading to them....coloring with them.  I didn't realize how much I missed it.  


We had a great first day home.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was so thankful and blessed that we were all smiling and happy by the end of the day.  I feel like I now have a huge blessing that has been given to me..... a summer blessing.  A summer to spend with my two boys.  I know there will be those days I want to pull my hair out...where I'm begging for just FIVE MINUTES PLEASE....We all know those times where we run to the bathroom, shut the door and pretend to pee, when in reality we're just trying to catch our breath, sneak some chocolate and collect ourselves.  However, this summer my goal is to take advantage of the time spent with my two precious boys...and to never lose sight of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to spend all day with them.  I am one blessed mommy. 

Memorial Day and Last Day of School!

This week has been unusually busy..... 

Beginning with MEMORIAL DAY... For the first time in our life as a family of 4, we ventured out to LIFETIME FITNESS on Monday morning for family swim time.  It was an absolutely beautiful day to attempt this adventure.  Despite that fact that I left my bathing suit bottoms on the floor of my bedroom and had to swim in OLD NAVY shorts...it went really well =)   Hollister is very afraid of water getting near his face.  He avoids sprinklers, showers, pretty much anything that sprays water- at all costs..... Our main goal of the day was to see if we could get him excited about swimming.  

After a LOT of splashing around and semi-bubble blowing, he finally allowed us to carry him out to the 3 feet deep area.  By the end of the hour, he was walking around by himself.  Of course we were within his reach if he were to slip, but he gained quite a bit of confidence... He was already asking when we could go back.  We definitely achieved our first goal of warming him up to the idea of deeper waters.  Now all we have to do is get him to go under.  Baby steps..... 

Tuesday morning was Hollister's last Kindergarten class.  Rex and I were there to witness the sweetest ceremony for those who are going into first grade.  Each graduate walked over a bridge, shook the hand or hugged his or her teacher, received a HUGE sunflower and posed for a picture.  All the while, a violinist played in the background.  I caught myself getting swept up in the emotions even though those weren't my children.  I believe it was a feeling of gratefulness.  Feeling so blessed that we have an opportunity to witness such sweet times in our kids lives.  I know next year I will be watching Hollister crossover....and I will be one of those blubbering mommies in the crowd.  

A WHOLE LOT TO LEARN....

I am fully aware of how long it's been since I have written.... Maybe I'm a little OCD.... There's definitely a lack of motivation at times to write, but what great practice it is to type my thoughts....to process.  I'm an external thinker....that's basically what this is, right?

Over the past several months a lot has changed..... Perhaps part of me neglecting my blog was the part of me that had NO IDEA what to write or where to begin--There seemed to be an overabundance--my life felt a bit chaotic....my mind was all over the place.  I was vulnerable. Add my super girly emotions to that, and I was a hot mess....A recipe for possible disaster.

What have I learned???  

It's simple really...

I have a whole lot MORE to learn =)

I know that sounds discouraging, but it really isn't...It's quite freeing when you think about it!  I expected so much out of myself....I placed so much pressure on many areas of my life...When something was less than great...when I fell short of my personal goals, I would feel frustrated and angry.  The discouragement would soon take over and I'd QUIT.... No matter what it was: a chore, a diet, cancelling a commitment, any type of "plan"..... If it didn't go as expected, it was BROKEN. I was done.  I would have rather bowed out than fail.  How wrong is that way of thinking?  If we never give ourselves room to fail.... how do we learn?  Isn't a part of learning making mistakes....And, trust me, I've made plenty of mistakes over the years.  I'm so thankful that the Lord is a gracious and forgiving God.  Now instead of thinking back on those shortcomings and feeling disappointed in myself, I am trying to approach those same situations or "failures" differently today as they approach.... Knowing that I may not get it perfectly the first time.... but it has to be better to try than to give up.  If I stop trying, I'll never know if I was fully capable of reaching my goal.  Not only that, but I have God here at all times....to help me, guide me and teach me.  All things are possible with Him!

I've learned more than I could write in this one blog, so maybe I'll touch on a few things here and there.  Most importantly I've realized that the only constant in my life is my Lord....  Life changes, people change, situations and circumstances change.....but my LORD is forever the same.  He is always here and always willing to help us, show us great and wonderful things.  He listens to our heart's cry....He knows our minds...our struggles....and BOY do I struggle at times =)  The Lord is willing to teach us and show us the way.  

The Lord loves us unconditionally.....He created us in His image.  He died for our sins so that we might live and have everlasting life.  How amazing....how loved we are.