Change...

One of the main reasons I wanted to blog was to have the opportunity to write about my struggles, accomplishments, adventures (whenever those may come =), concerns,...pretty much anything and everything.  Writing is therapeutic for me.... My very own "self therapy."  It always has been.  The only difference between now and back in the days was when writing years ago, I never wrote knowing that I might allow someone to read it.  But, the whole idea behind "Let's just go there," is that it might actually be helpful to write, share and discuss those "off limit" topics.... especially with my closest friends and family.  Right?  Well, maybe... It's highly possible those who are questioning if I am a total weirdo might find confirmation.  

So, all of that to say, one of the topics that I've always had a difficult time talking about is weight-loss.  Well, to be specific, the struggle to eat well, lose weight and be healthy when "life" happens.  I've NEVER done well with change.  Change and I aren't good friends.  I have known for years that I am definitely drawn to food for comfort.  That's dangerous... The worst part is, where most would turn to food to ease depression or stress, I seem to be drawn to it pretty much any time!  Happy? Sad? Even when there's reason to celebrate!  The most twisted thing...is after losing 5 or 10 pounds, it's easy to say, "Hey! Let's go get a little reward!"  Ha!  SO not the right way to think. 

With health now being a main concern of mine, my weakness is definitely standing in my way of reaching my goals.  This week I sent my 5-year-old to Kindergarten for the first time.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My life is moving quickly, my baby is five!  He's going to school!  My little one is now in mother's morning out...Yesterday I had flashes of everything from Gideon's first day of kindergarten to Hollister bringing home his first girlfriend....Marriage, kids...One day my kids will be in the exact spot I'm in. HOLY FRIGGIN' COW!  

Okay, Brandi, BREATHE!

Needless to say, just this very tiny change....KINDER-FREAKIN'-GARTEN...has triggered so many thoughts.  I'm getting older.  I'm totally comfortable being 30...or at least I think I am.  So, yesterday I was uncomfortable.  I think that is a great word to define how I felt.  I was realizing all of these changes....and I was UNCOMFORTABLE.  I was happy that Hollister was so excited...but so sad to realize that this small change is only the beginning.  AGAIN, HOLY COW!  I was so emotional...and yesterday was an example that I am an emotional snacker.  I was reaching for salty....sweet....crunchy.  The good news is that, as of a month or so ago, we keep pretty much all "healthy-ish" foods in our home.  Thank goodness I didn't have access to cookie dough or mint choco-chip ice cream!  However, healthy snacks and all, I probably ate  close to an entire day's worth of calories just in snacks.  I realize this is a bad habit that needs to be broken.  I'm at the place right now where I'm learning a lot about nutrition and healthy habits. I'm simply struggling to put this so-called "healthy-habits" into motion.  It's definitely harder than most people think, in my opinion.

Today, as I sent my baby to 5-K, I felt my heart sink just a little.  I kissed him, hugged him REAL tight...waved as he climbed into his car seat.  "Bye Momma!," he said...Then probably because he sensed my sadness, he reassured me, "I'll be back in ten minutes, Mom!"  Heart. Sinking. Someone. Pick. It. Up.  I miss him.  He's such a huge part of my day.  Now, I'm staring at Gideon and thinking....this use to be my Hollister.  How strange of a thought.  

HOWEVER, I realize that yesterday was a tiny bump in the road for me.  I messed up, but that doesn't mean I can't do well today.  Yes, I'm emotional again today.  I'm adjusting to this very new season in my life... But, today I'm aware...I'm motivated to make better choices.  Like that lovely little Engine that Could....today's mantra is:  I think I can, I think I can...

Summer Sonic Runs

Anyone who knows me has heard, at one time or another, the name Mary-Beth....or as we all call her "MB".  She lives across the street from me, here in Shady Hollow.  As most would assume, when introducing her to others I would use the term "Neighbor"....but "neighbor" doesn't feel right these days.  I think our true "neighbors" think we are Sister Wives....but that's a whole other story.  Though I've only known her for 6 months, I could almost swear we grew up in the same household.  We have so much in common that it's scary.  I won't go into the similarities because it would probably bore whoever actually reads these things.  

Early on in our fast growing friendship we realized that traditions were already forming.  One being late night swings.  "Swing for 10?"..."Sure! Meet you out front!"... Both of our husbands learned a LONG time ago that ten minutes never holds true.  The time just passes so fast.  

As summer approached, we somehow started doing late night SONIC runs.  I'm a fan of diet cherry limeade...Though she might get that  half the time, she normally just gets a diet soda.  So, there have been several occasions where I've jumped in my car...or hers...in PJ's, SONIC bound.  It's great having a friend who lives so close.  

MB asked me if she could take a picture of me at Sonic.  She's practicing with lighting... She's got the gift of photography for sure. However, no matter how great one might be...taking a picture of me wearing PJ's, with little to no make-up...that's priceless!  =)  NEVER HAPPENS!!! However, I let her.

I'm not sure how long we'll be on the "Sonic" kick, but until one of us gets burned out...I'll be looking forward to those late night rides, sippin' on my diet cherry limeade!

My Baby turned 5!

 (My baby is growing up....He's almost 3 in the picture above.)

This past Sunday, my sweet, energetic little blond-headed Hollister turned five years old.  I have no idea where the time went!  I remember like it was yesterday finding out that we were going to have a baby...

Sweet Hollister was what we like to call a "surprise blessing" =)  Rex and I had only been married 13 months when we realized that our lives would soon change...forever... and for the best.  I am not saying that it was all a piece of cake.  It certainly wasn't.  There were many rough patches and a whole lot of learning.  Spit up here, throw up there...sleepless nights, the TEETHING, hitting spells, wetting beds, and the list goes on.  However, there were also sweet cuddles, gentle caresses, tender kisses, sweet smiles, baby's first words, interest in every move that's made or noise that's heard.  Those moments when the only thing that matters to him is knowing his mommdy is right there.  Those nights when, at that time you just want to sleep, but instead you're holding baby and rocking him for hours.  Those nights are the nights you look back on a smile.  They hold a very special place in your heart- forever.

Now, today, I watched my no-so-little Hollister run and jump around with several of his friends.  We, like many, chose to celebrate his 5th birthday at the Hoppin' House... and that was NO mistake.  We all had fun.  I spent most of the time at the party trying to make sure everything was going smoothly.  Every once in a while, I'd see Hollister sliding down one of the slides or talking to one of his friends and I'd wonder how he grew up so fast.  He's my little boy.  My 5-year-old.  I am so happy he had a fantastic party.  I'm so grateful for those who came to celebrate with us.  I'm so blessed to be a mom... But, I must admit, it hit me today how much he's growing up and I might be just a little sad.

Challenge Accepted...

I was unaware of how much I'd be sewing these days...so when my shaky, fold-out Target table started making me nauseous, my Mom-in-LOVE delivered the most perfect solid oak desk for me to use. I'm sitting at my new (old) solid oak desk, staring at my sewing machine.  It's a Singer...and for some reason it's given the name "Confidence".... I laugh at that.  I'm not quite as confident as I'd like to be at this point in the game.  

I've grown up watching my mom and my grandmother create masterpieces with this so-called "sewing machines."  I never understood why they were drawn to the craft.  Mom made costume upon costume....curtains, pillow covers, quilts, you name it, she could sew it!  Every once in a while I'd here a groan or a huff....She might have exchanged a few words with the machine every now and then.  But, sooner or later she'd summon me into the kitchen to examine her work of art...Which, being completely honest, was always perfect.  

I never remembered asking her why she chose to spend hour after hour struggling, threading the bobbin, switching the needle, twisting the fabric.  I'm not sure why I never asked...I just watched and, every once in awhile was asked to give my opinion.  

After all of these years, I GET IT!  No matter how challenging or how frustrating sewing can be at times, there's something to be said of turning several pieces of random fabrics into something practical, unique, dare I say...FABULOUS!  

It. Makes. Me. Happy.

Though I might not be perfect...my seams are definitely uneven at times.  My transitions obvious.  I'm enjoying MOST every second sitting in front of my $199 Singer.  A year ago I felt drawn to purchase one...  Perhaps I am even more like my mom and grandmother than I thought.  I left the store with this huge, heavy box wondering how long it would take me before packing it back up and trucking it back...  I practiced my first statement...with added southern charm, "I have no idea what I was thinking, ma'am (2 syllables please).  Can I please have my money back?"

I laugh at the thought.  A year ago, I wasn't certain of my purchase...But today, I'm so thankful my soon-to-be named sewing machine!  That's how much I love her. =)

I have a lot to learn.  I'm a beginner.  But, to my Singer/Confidence I say, "Challenge Accepted!"

Now, back to sewing.