God Confidence

I'm not perfect.  Not even close.  Those who know me also know my struggles and weaknesses....my "quirks"...  I know that I could come up with a list of to-do's or personal changes that I would like to make...  but I made a decision a while back to transform my way of thinking.  I could only do that with God's help...and He has truly helped me. 

Years ago I would think to myself, "I wish I were more confident in myself."  Situations would take place...people would say things, do things, or NOT do things.... it would make me feel inadequate, small, less than, unimportant, even dumb.... There were times where I felt broken, my heart felt torn, I felt deep hurt...betrayed.  I would wish, during those times, that I was more confident in who I was.....That I could just find the strength to move on....get over it. 

Then it hit me!

MYSELF.   I had been "wishing" for the wrong thing.  

I don't need to strive to seek confidence within myself and who I am....but rather seek HIM....and seek HIS confidence.  So, I started praying for God-confidence over self confidence....and it truly made the biggest difference in my life. 

I made that one minor change in my personal prayer life, and so many things started happening.  I slowly started healing.  I started focusing more on what God says...what the Word says.  My priorities started shifting little by little.  And from then on....other things followed.  I know I'm not the only woman who would like to lose weight or be "toned".... be a certain size.  But, what came along with this change of thinking was learning to LOVE myself for who God made me....and for who God is molding me to be.  SURE! I am making healthy changes in my life to try to accomplish health goals, but it's no longer what defines me.  I am so thankful that God has touched my life...and my mind.  

I try to stop negative thoughts before they happen.  Whether about myself, or about someone else...when a thought begins to surface, I simply tell it...NO.  I have noticed that simple plan of action helps.  I've realized that I'm not as critical of myself or others.  And if someone around me says something critical...I've noticed my strength to not join in has grown.  Again...SO THANKFUL.  

I still have a ways to go, but I don't want to lose sight of how far I've come...what I have accomplished with God's help.  I want to continue prioritizing...  asking the Lord what things should come first on my list.  What things are okay to move around, or even take off of my list entirely.  I look forward to learning more about the Lord....and about myself.  

It's Been A While....

But I'm back. 

Years ago I would spend hours journaling...or, when I was 12, "writing in my diary."  Oh the things I wrote down..... Part of me wishes I could go back in time...NOT BURN THEM....just so I could have a big laugh.  

Currently, I'm sitting in my office staring at blinds I need to hang.  We've been in our new home since September 30, 2013....and I am still adding special touches, making subtle changes, and continuously walking through my home thankful for God's many blessings.  It may not be "finished"...but it sure is cozy.  And....I LOVE MY KITCHEN.  More on that later.

I mentioned writing...journaling...came so natural when I was younger.  I tried to sit down a few weeks ago to jot down some of my thoughts and I no longer have the stamina.  My wrist was tired after one page.  In the past, I could knock out 7 or 8 pages with such ease.  I've yet to switch over to electronic reading...I'll take an old fashion book over a nook any day.  However, I decided if I feel the need to write, blogging is my best option.  

 So, in the time I haven't been "blogging"....we've placed our house on the market, had it sell within 24 hours, packed, moved into a garage apartment for one month, packed again, and moved into the home we started building in early 2013.  What a journey, but it was an AMAZING ONE.  We are here, surrounded by daily reminders of how blessed we are.  I love my home.  More than anything, I love the freedom I feel here.  I struggle with change, but this one was welcomed.  

Sitting in my office, at my little wooden desk.  Listening to my sweet, yet rowdy little boys upstairs playing together. Staring at blinds that I am getting ready to hang.